Yep yep

So i guess, my last blog was a little intense, i just barely re-read it tonight. And wow, sometimes i let the anger get ahold of me. So i apologize.

I guess i could start by explaining what brought that on.

You can only handle so much be-little-ing until you freak out.

You can only be called so many names before you finally question yourself about your own well being as well as for others a.k.a my kids.

The thing that got to me the most that night, was being called a horrible mother, and that i always put myself before them. Which is 100% false, i base my life around them, my plans, my everything.

I'm not perfect at being their mother and I'll admit that, but i really am doing the best i can. Alot of times i have to ask why god has to put me threw so much before he thinks i can't handle anymore, I know they say god only puts you threw the tests he knows you can get threw. But how many can he really put someone threw. I really don't know what else i can handle.

I never expected this out of my life, i never wanted this as a life for my children.

What they are going threw, and what I'm going threw trying to be the foundation to their worlds is, probably one of the most hard, heart wrenching things I've had to do.

They don't deserve the heart break, mainly Dominick, for what their "sperm donor" is putting them threw. And he doesn't even have the guts to tell Dominick the truth of whats going on. He doesn't have to hold him every night as he cries himself to sleep cause he misses his daddy, he doesn't have to listen to him ask to go see his daddy or talk to him on the phone. And when i call his phone and it goes to the this phone has been disconnected business the look on his face. It breaks my heart. And what makes it worse is when he says that his daddy doesn't want him.

It's just so hard.